I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
