I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
