don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
