whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize