Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
