I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
