What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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