You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
