Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize