Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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