I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
