her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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