I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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