Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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