So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
