She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
