I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
