I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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