I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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