So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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