Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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