I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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