my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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