we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
