So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize