I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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