I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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