your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
