She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
