plz talk dirty to me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
