i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
