Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
