hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
