I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
