ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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