Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
