i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
