bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
