This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
