one might say we're banned from that church
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
