yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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