I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
