my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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