I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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