And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
