so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
