I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
