whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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