So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
