I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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