evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
where am i from again
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
