dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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