so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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