I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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