matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
