My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
