Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He kissed a someone with a penis
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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