He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
