I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
