Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
