my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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