Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
