I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
