Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
