I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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