Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
