I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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