So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize