last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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