Umm I'm too high to move.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
