i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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