Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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