I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize