I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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