I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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