College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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