the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
